Sunday, January 13, 2013

Baby.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Abdullah is facetime-ing with his parents and adik.

Once the iPad rang just now, he looked a bit excited, knowing that his father was calling from Egypt. I hold him in my arms, and approached Kak Yah, as the iPad was with her. Once the faces of his father, mother and Adik appeared on the screen, he cried. Sadly.

I don't know if this little boy was feeling something, but for sure, I know he actually is missing his family in Egypt.

Hold on baby, one month left before you will meet them. And now, he is still facetime-ing with them.

Abdullah is actually having a fever. The day before yesterday, he was crying almost all the time. My sister and I were scolded by Mak and Ayah, as they assumed that we teased the little boy. Well, there was possibility there. Being angelic auntie is not so me. So, tease Abdullah is a part of my hobbies, these days. But that kid seems to have a health problem. Yesterday, he threw out everything he ate and drank, even his milk. Last night, he slept with empty stomach as the milk he took before sleeping, he threw it out right away he finished it. Poor boy.

Mak waited for him to fall asleep before putting KoolFever on his forehead, to decrease the temperature in his body, because if he is awake, he will put that sticky thing off his forehead.



This morning, Mak just gave him mineral water, but still, he vomited it. Then Mak took him to the clinic, and the doctor gave him some syrup cure for him. Unfortunately that lil boy is not being easy to be fed with that syrup. We ; Mak, Kak Yah and I, held him tightly to ensure he didn't struggle too much.

All of us are being worried. I look at him from different sight. No longer a naughty boy that likes to hurt me ; grab my cheeks hardly, pinch my arms, scratch my nose, bite my ears, but more to a little boy who needs extra care and love. Yes, I pour so much love to him, without getting upset to him even once. I feel so weak when I look him. I feel so helpless when I cannot do anything to reduce his pain. I feel so hurt to see he is enduring his pain. I feel terrible.

This kind of feelings remind me of someone.

Irna.

Yes, you, Irna.

Read, Irna. Keep reading.

Abdullah is only my nephew. Not my own biological son. But once I know he is in pain, my heart is pounding like no enough space. My eyes become watery, like tears will fall anytime if I hear he cries. My hands will like to hold him all the time, keeping him safe and sound in my arms. And if he refuses to take the medicine, I feel like... frustrated. If only he knows that the syrup will ease his pain.

I actually am putting myself as a parent to a sick child.

I knew, this is the feeling when someone you love, you care, and you concern, falls sick. You cannot do anything properly. You will be very anxious. Your heart is thumping like there's no tomorrow.

And I guess, the same feeling has been felt by your parents, Irna.

When I keep reciting the sentence, 'If only I can have the pain on your place, baby...' , and I wonder, Irna's parents must have said the same thing, many times before me.

What I am actually saying is, Irna...

You can say that you are alright, but being a person who carried you more than 9 months in her tummy, and being among persons who grew you up and saw every development of yours, they ; mother and father, will actually know what's going on with you, really.

It is hurtful for me when Abdullah says he is not in pain, while actually he is enduring the pain alone. So, it must be double or perhaps triple times hurtful for your parents to see you endure the pain alone, just because you say you are alright. Just because you don't want to admit that you are sick. Just because you refuse to burden them. But tell you what, being like so-called-strong alone, is more hurtful to your parents. You still have them to share your pain, so why do you keep it alone? Share with them, Irna. Yes, it's true that the pain will not be reduced, but at least, the relief will be there once you tell them.

When Mak does not allow me to not give Abdullah any food because he might throw out them once he eats them, I feel like.. Oh, what have you done wrong, baby? Can't you get any food? And when Abdullah looks at me with hopeful eyes, so I will give him the food he requests, I want to make myself invisible. To disappoint him is hurtful to me, but to see he cries painfully after throwing out will be more hurtful. You used to can not eat nasi, right, Irna? And I am 100% sure that your parents' appetites of having rice are gone as well, when they remember that their daughter cannot swallow any rice.

I'm just telling you Irna. Your healthy problem is actually a gift from Him to all of you. To you, especially. And not to be forgotten, to your Mak dan Ayah. To test your obedience to Him, and to test your parents' patience.

Irna, be strong. I know, this becoming operation is one of the biggest in your life. But have faith with Him, like you used to do. Never hide anything from your parents. They will be very disappointed if you hide something that they supposed to know. Spill the beans, Irna. Keeping them by yourself will not make anything better. No matter how old are you right now, Irnahanis Sofia, still, you are their baby.

I believe in Him, and I envy you, actually. He loves you so much. He gives you pain, so that you will always remember Him. But me? Sometimes He leaves me in my own world. In my own sinful world, before pulling me back to Him.

Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay happy.


I wish the best for you. Insya Allah, my prayers will accompany you, always.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Ease all the pain in your chest, and sometimes let the laughter burst.

I love you, Irna. Hope to see you smile brightly again, when you are next to me :')


May ALLAH bless. Syafakallahuma, Abdullah and Irna.

Wallahu'alam, wassalam.

p/s : I apologize for sooooo many grammatical errors. Well, it has been more than 3 months I do not write anything official in English. Please forgive my mistakes. Stay blessed, sweetie! :')

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